How to Feel Love, When You're not in Love

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In today’s society more of us are facing singledom, at all stages of our life, than ever before. In fact, as the Washington Post highlights, there’s never been a time in US history where more adults are unmarried, with 109 million people either divorced, widowed or have never married. Whether you’re single by choice, or by circumstance, an absence of a partner in your life doesn’t have to mean the absence of love. So how do we make sure we still feel loved, even when we’re not in love?

Support systems

Love, intimacy, affection and appreciation exist in many forms and it’s important to remember that romantic partnerships are only one source. Good friendships and family members may be the obvious places to turn to, yet support can come in many ways. It may be from your church, a community group, or even the art club you belong to. The important thing is to build meaningful connections with the people who surround you.

Fill your life with passion

Take this precious opportunity in life to enjoy doing what you want to do. Pursue the things you’re passionate about, spend time on the activities you love, enrich and grow your world the way you want to. It’s not about cramming your life so full that you don’t have time to remember that you’re not in love. It’s about reminding yourself that passion, enthusiasm and inspiration come from many places, not just romantic love.

Go deeper

From an early age we start searching for things that will make us feel good. Whether it’s shopping, food, or even the relationships we form, we become blinded into thinking that happiness is found in the things outside of us, however focusing on personal exploration is so very powerful and critical to growth. It may sound eye-rollingly cliche to suggest you have access to all the love you will ever need, but it's true.  Engaging God through prayer and meditation will help to bring us inner peace, and while it won't take the place of human companionship, it will bring us closer to contentment and provide the very foundation needed to experience true love. 

Widen your perception of love

Adjust your interpretation of love just a little and you may start to see it in unexpected places that you’d normally skip over. Life gives us little droplets of love in the thousands of moments that fill our day, but only if we choose to notice them. These sweet reminders can range from the warm smile of a stranger to the feeling of the sun on your skin. Our lives have a habit of feeling fuller when we take the time to notice the little things around us.

Give love

If you’re feeling a lack of love in your life, ask yourself whether you’re freely giving your love. If you’ve closed yourself off, waiting to feel love before you give any away, the door is likely to stay closed. When we give love we make sure that the channels of love are open, to both give and then receive. Without an open heart it doesn’t matter how surrounded by love you are, you’re unlikely to even notice it, let alone feel it.

During those times in single life when you start to feel like the grass is greener, it may be helpful to remember that relationships are not a free and easy pass towards love. While experiencing love is a completely natural and vital part of building a happy life, you certainly don’t need to be in love for that to happen.